"When will you be returning to Ghana? You’re planning to live here, right?"

pearsonxspecter:

Before the idea of coming out sunk in, one of my favourite songs was Akons “Mama Africa”

"So much love to share
Pure blackness, wantness is so rare
So much love to care
Let them know they’re missin’ out”

I’m trying to listen to (general) African music without feeling shitty. As much as I want this to be completely true, it isn’t to me.

I really love and miss Ghana but I felt like the last time I visited, I was pretty much saying goodbye to my family. I stayed in the guestroom reading and taking lone walks for the most part because I just couldn’t stand knowing that one day I’m not going to be part of this. Same sex sexual activity is straight up illegal. And I doubt police are waiting for same sex sex to occur before doing anything about it. There have been accounts of police and vigilantes beating LGBT people [IRB Section 2.1]. Also, 96% of Ghanians don’t think homosexuality should be accepted in society. South Africa has the highest with 62% but for the most part, it doesn’t look to good.

I remember reading a piece in one of Ghana’s most popular newspapers about same sex attraction. It was written by their Chief Psychiatrist who basically called being gay an illness. He claimed that if someone was born with one hand we’d call them a “freak of nature,” but we would try and fix it, and he compared this to being gay. I wanted to scan the newspaper article but I could only do that at an internet cafe and I was worried that, with this article in my hand teamed with my English accent, I’d somehow out myself.

I was staying at my grandparents house and I left the newspaper open, making sure that the word “homosexuality” in the headline was clearly seen by whoever walked past. Hoping that someone would start a conversation about it. At least then I’d get some closure about some of my family’s opinions. Or maybe I had some hope that they weren’t part of that 96%.

My family keeps asking me when I’m going to return, and when I’m going to come back to stay. All I could say was “maybe someday,” even thought I meant never.

It also just kills me to think that there are LGBT members of my family who are trapped. It’s a big arse family so I know that I’m not the only one.

The song doesn’t sit with me as well as it did “Mama Africa, so much love to share,” just not for someone like me, a Bisexual. Just not for someone who’s gay, lesbian, trans and/or queer.

I want to feel it’s love again.

black-culture:

Black Love is Black Love

(via swamamongthenorthernlights)

Awww :) It’s fine, my mistake. I didn’t take offence to those tags anyway and it didn’t really register as anything negative or anything that I should be annoyed by. It’s just interesting that she had a history of doing what I was complaining about.

a-little-bi-furious:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

There are a lot of people who keep encouraging bisexuals to come out during a relationship rather than before.

If someone doesn’t like bisexuals, doesn’t trust bisexuals, just comes up with the fetishising response or who’s a homophobe then wouldn’t it be better to realise this as early as possible?

I can’t help but feel that its really naive to think that someone will change their mind after getting to know a person or that it shouldn’t matter. It does matter to a lot of people and how a person handles the information should probably matter to you.

For the sake of both of you it just makes sense to come out pre-relationship.

THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

Fuck I wish I realised the “come out while you’re in a relationship” was a load of misinformed bullshit sooner. This comes from people who think folks are more willing to accept you if you invest in a relationship with them, which is wrong wrong wrong. This is the worst idea ever.

I’ve been pretty lucky when it comes to relationships with people, but jesus fuck it is so easy to fall into a relationships with people who are not only not okay with my bisexuality but are fucking dangerous, and there is absolutely no way of knowing this until you’ve come out.

I have been outed to friends and strangers without my permission, I’ve been asked to re-enact personal porn fantasies on the spot, I’ve been told I should stop saying I’m bisexual because “I’m doing it for attention”, as well as some shit that’s actually made me fear for my safety. And the worst part is it escalates because you are in a relationship, people invest huge parts of their time and emotions into these things, and because of this it’s easy to set a cycle of abuse in motion.

Not to mention that there are also people who a A-okay with your bisexuality up to a point, such as they will be accepting of you providing that you don’t look at their biphobic fetishing bullshit too closely, or their right to suddenly not be okay with bisexuality if you do it in a way they don’t approve of. These are scary motherfuckers, but you can easily overlook that when you invest so much in a relationship with them.

Seriously, I often wonder how much of the awful sexual assault and domestic violence statistics focussing on bisexuals comprise situations where a bisexual has felt comfortable enough to come out during a relationship or felt pressure to come out only to have their partner flip their shit and start making threatening demands now that they have this new information.

It’s a legitimate fear for bisexual people! Everyone should fucking respect that.

sherri saum the prime time closet [X]

I forgot to watch this. I actually managed to miss a full season of a tv show

(Source: aheartshapedgun, via emiello)

and this isn’t the first time someone’s brought up using lesbophobia instead of biphobia when talking about homophobia and sexism regarding non-lesbian women but the first anon message

idk if these people are other bisexuals or something but

just discussing not using it as a bisexual apparently causes more than enough problems

emiello:

a-little-bi-furious:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

dykeprivilege:

tw: rape

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

Why is corrective rape always thrown in as if bisexual women have never had this occur to them

Corrective rape is a pretty fucking serious issue so attempting to disregard bi womens experiences is a down right crappy thing to do. And all because you think that bisexuals are using “biphobia” as a…

I talk about this a lot, and if you think lesbians, like myself talk about this just to shut bisexual persons up you can talk several fucking seats and never tag anything Lesbophobia ever again.

I was talking about multiple situations where its used in an attempt to try and shut bisexuals up. I never said anything about the general discussion, I literally stated that I’m not talking about people who only want to talk about lesbians.

Using the corrective rape of lesbians in an attempt to shut up bisexual women talking about our experiences is a shitty thing to do. Talking about corrective rape regarding lesbians isn’t.

It says a lot that people think that asking people to recognise corrective rape happens to bi women too and is the same thing as telling lesbians to not talk about the corrective rape of lesbians. We actually have trouble convincing most people, including biphobic lesbians, that this is a thing that happens to bi women at all, and this erasure is used to silence bi women and yes, the word lesbophobia is used to justify this fuckery. 

   

Do I? I know I’ve agreed with or considered one or two things she’s said…

I don’t. That’s pretty fucking shitty. Tired of people doing shit like this but apparently calling it out is lebophobic. Talk about who you want but why is telling people that actively erasing bi experiences with statements like this is a shitty thing to do such a controversial statement…

Anonymous Asked:
ok so I've read a lot of your posts about the sexism and homophobia bi women face but a lot of this is just lesbophobia not ~*biphobia*~.

dykeprivilege:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

dykeprivilege:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

I’m not going to use lesbophobia since its only ever been used against bi women or only also includes bi women in same sex relatiosnhips. I’ve stated that orientation related harassment can happen to bi women who are single or in a relationship with a man. Lesbophobia doesn’t cover that so why would I want to contribute to the erasure of my and other queer/non-straight women’s experiences? I read the experiences of bi women and things like Bisexual Women Twice As Likely To Be Abused And/Or Raped, 

general Bisexual health which is pretty poor

so what good would erasing their experiences do?

And as far as I remember I don’t call it biphobia if I think its homophobia/sexism/fetishisation separately or a mixture.

Yes, Lesbophobia is ONLY ever used as a tool against bisexuals it’s never used for us to talk about our experiences.

This I’ll own up to. Crappy and unclear wording and its not what I wanted to express. When used to talk about bisexuality I keep seeing it being used against us but 99% of the time when lesbophobia itself is discussed, it’s not about bisexuality. It’s about lesbian experiences. I’m just not going to use it to talk about non-lesbians because its a word for lesbians.

"It’s only ever used against bi women" that is not unclear wording. You severely over estimate how much bisexuality comes up in talking about lesbian experiences, and when it does it’s mainly because a het man or women has invalidated our sexuality because ‘we must really be bisexual’. If you could never tag anything ‘lesbophobia’ ever again that would be gr9

"but 99% of the time when lesbophobia itself is discussed, it’s not about bisexuality." I just said that I made a mistake and it isn’t what I was meant to say. Anon asked me about using lesbophobia to talk about non-lesbians and it was that specific thing I wanted to talk about but my wording, which I’m taking responsibility for, didn’t communicate that,

dreamofmetonight:

This looks really good; this is how you shed the Disney image, and it totally doesn’t look like Vanessa Hudgens

(Source: youreworsethannicotine, via ggaspard)

dani-kin:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

There are a lot of people who keep encouraging bisexuals to come out during a relationship rather than before.

If someone doesn’t like bisexuals, doesn’t trust bisexuals, just comes up with the fetishising response or who’s a homophobe then wouldn’t it be better to realise this as early as possible?

I can’t help but feel that its really naive to think that someone will change their mind after getting to know a person or that it shouldn’t matter. It does matter to a lot of people and how a person handles the information should probably matter to you.

For the sake of both of you it just makes sense to come out pre-relationship.

ABSOLUTELY.

I think it’s dangerous emotionally and physically to get into a relationship with someone when you don’t know if they will be biphobic.   Yes, you might be able to slowly prove to this person that bisexuals are not scary and change their mind.  But I think it’s more likely that the bisexual person will feel connected to this person and would want to change or downplay their true orientation to please their partner.  That already places the bisexual person in a VERY vulnerable position.  

I would never enter into a relationship with someone who didn’t know and respect my sexual orientation.

"Yes, you might be able to slowly prove to this person that bisexuals are not scary and change their mind." This seems intrusive to me if you know that the person didn’t want to date bisexuals in the first place.

"But I think it’s more likely that the bisexual person will feel connected to this person and would want to change or downplay their true orientation to please their partner."

I’ve seen people give married some pretty crappy advice based on this premise. I keep seeing people tell bisexuals that you can convince your partner to trust you again despite the fact that it was this one thing that made their partner lose their trust. It’s scary because some of these cases their partner seems to be verbally abusive but straight people and even other bisexuals want to downplay this aspect. It’s normally straight people who want to say that “you don’t have to tell them because it doesn’t matter,” or “if you’re interested in them then you might as well be in the closet because you’re monogamous.” And I read about bisexuals who lie about (changing) their orientation in a relationship but it absolutely kills them inside. And the fact that they’re lying, its not a good premise for a relationship.

I’m not saying that you can predict abuse, the abusive ones will be abusive regardless but to avoid general non-abusive shittyness its better to come out up front.

prototype-the-walter-girl:

*ploop*

(Source: togifs, via isaacandhismother)

Just finished watching x-men last stand and that teenage love triangle was really frustrating because the guy was literally one of the most pointless people within it.

I’m actually starting to ship Kitty and Rogue. Even if they didn’t do the romance a developing friendship between the two would be 24352435x better than that ~~*love triangle~**~. Before I started shipping them I really didn’t care about Iceman at all.

I also don’t remember what happened in the films before this so this could be a terrible idea but w/e.

Anonymous Asked:
ok so I've read a lot of your posts about the sexism and homophobia bi women face but a lot of this is just lesbophobia not ~*biphobia*~.

dykeprivilege:

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

I’m not going to use lesbophobia since its only ever been used against bi women or only also includes bi women in same sex relatiosnhips. I’ve stated that orientation related harassment can happen to bi women who are single or in a relationship with a man. Lesbophobia doesn’t cover that so why would I want to contribute to the erasure of my and other queer/non-straight women’s experiences? I read the experiences of bi women and things like Bisexual Women Twice As Likely To Be Abused And/Or Raped, 

general Bisexual health which is pretty poor

so what good would erasing their experiences do?

And as far as I remember I don’t call it biphobia if I think its homophobia/sexism/fetishisation separately or a mixture.

Yes, Lesbophobia is ONLY ever used as a tool against bisexuals it’s never used for us to talk about our experiences.

This I’ll own up to. Crappy and unclear wording and its not what I wanted to express. When used to talk about bisexuality I keep seeing it being used against us but 99% of the time when lesbophobia itself is discussed, it’s not about bisexuality. It’s about lesbian experiences. I’m just not going to use it to talk about non-lesbians because its a word for lesbians.

dykeprivilege:

tw: rape

rainbowbreathingbisexual:

Why is corrective rape always thrown in as if bisexual women have never had this occur to them

Corrective rape is a pretty fucking serious issue so attempting to disregard bi womens experiences is a down right crappy thing to do. And all because you think that bisexuals are using “biphobia” as a…

I talk about this a lot, and if you think lesbians, like myself talk about this just to shut bisexual persons up you can talk several fucking seats and never tag anything Lesbophobia ever again.

I was talking about multiple situations where its used in an attempt to try and shut bisexuals up. I never said anything about the general discussion, I literally stated that I’m not talking about people who only want to talk about lesbians.

Using the corrective rape of lesbians in an attempt to shut up bisexual women talking about our experiences is a shitty thing to do. Talking about corrective rape regarding lesbians isn’t.

(via goldstarprivilege)

Atheists don’t believe in sins because its a religious concept so you can’t ask this question to an atheist. He’s answering it in the context of religion. He’s saying that its a fact that its a sin in the Bible. He already implied in his very first sentence by calling it “crap.”

(Source: postmaker, via jibber-jabber-jingles)